Letting go ain’t easy

I was trying to do this whole year in themes and I started out with Cleanse for January, Love for February (I skipped March, April + May to focus on our sweet baby boy) but I’m focused again and ready for June. This month’s theme is Release. I’m excited about this theme for a few reasons…

This time last year we lost our dog Herbie and it’s been rough without him but I’m allowing myself to release feelings of sadness in order to enjoy his memories. We’re also traveling for the better part of the month and I’ve been actively practicing letting go of expectations. I’m making space to adapt to all the changes in my schedule and environment. When I’m out of my routines and my home environment I tend to try to control whatever I can to maintain sanity… I’ve realized that letting go of that and adapting to my new surroundings is a better way to be. It allows for a more real experience…
The biggest way I’m trying to embody this theme is in witnessing my parents as they get ready to sell our home. They are in a cycle of purging and releasing boxes of stuff that has been hidden away in storage for the last 20 years. This house is special to our family, it started from mound of dirt and was designed and built by my father.
The “land” as we used to call it was a 3 acre hay field that was flat and untouched. We spent our summer on the property helping my parents as they laid the foundation and built this house from the ground up. Every tree was planted by my dad, every contour on the property was sculpted by my dad and every nail and board in the house passed through my dads hands. I made my lifelong friends while living in this house, I had my first kiss out on the front porch, My mom beat cancer twice under this roof, we had steadfast traditions like the annual Christmas Eve party with the same group of amazing people, my first cat is buried under the apple trees and I put on my wedding dress upstairs in my parents room the day I married Aaron.
This house is thick with history. The walls are full of stories; some happy, some sadΒ but most resilient. The land holds my families blood sweat and tears. The space is a physical representation of the evolution of our family. The land has blossomed in abundance just as our family has expanded to include spouses, more pets and grandchildren. Β It will be the hardest thing for me to release.
I’ve been struggling with the very notion since they told me the house was under contract. How do you let let go of something that has been woven into the fabric of a family? I have found peace in the fact that my parents are feeling such joy at the thought of downsizing and moving on to the next chapter of their lives. My brothers and I are all walking our own paths and exploring our own dreams. Building this house was my parents dream and they made it come true.
Letting go of a physical space isn’t easy… But with the act of release we can make room for whatever is next. As Rumi said, “Life is balance of holding on and letting go” and with the letting go of this home I will forever hold on to the incredible memories that were created this house. Cheers to the next adventure!

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